Complete User Guide and Manual For Your Death Unit
by therisingharvestmoon
Summary: So now you've purchased your 2008 version Death Unit, from Pratchett Co, now what? With this complete user guide and manual, your setup should be complete in no time, and you may have your wicked way with it as soon as you see fit.


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**The Complete User's Guide And Manual For **

**Death**

**Copyright Discworld's Eighth Dimention**

**Ian Richardson, Chief Technical Advisor**

CONGRATULATIONS! And thank you for ordering your very own Death Unit! In order to make the most of your anthromorphic personification, please read the following and absolutely nothing should go wrong (unless of course your time is up…)

TECHNICALITIES

Unit Name: Death (or the Grim Reaper)

Type: Anthromorphic personification

Manufacturers: The Richardson Company

Height: 7' 11" (Note: Can seem taller with provided robe and scythe)

Weight: 0 lbs

Eyes: Blue (Note: If you are disturbed by the swirling vortex's of supernova's that serve the Death Unit as eyes, you may wish to set one of the provided eye modes in, including Gorgeous Johnny Depp Brown, or Sickly Albino Monk.)

Hair: Original model does not have any hair. However, a Death Unit Hair Package for the cost of $12. 95 can be purchased by the Richardson Company, including Cher and Richard Simmons wig.

Adaptation: 2008 upgrade (Note: 2008 upgrade maybe be dissimilar to the Beginning of Time original model)

ACCESSORIES

Your Death Unit will be shipped to you as soon as possible, but we cannot promise anything since the Richardson model has been quite popular as of the late. Units arrive fully clad in their dark coloured attire, complete with a scythe, cloak and a white charger to complete the look.

As a way of saying 'Thank You' for purchasing a Death Unit, it will be shipped off with bonus cloak for you to do dress up's with your Death Unit. Make sure not to say the robe does you 'justice' or expect to receive a 10 minute lecture from your Death Unit.

MODES

Normal Mode: May seem very _abnormal _at first, but believe us when we say, it's completely normal for a Death Unit.

Dark Mode: The most recently added mode, since during the creation of the Susan Unit, we collaborated with a fellow company called 'Pratchett-Co'. (WARNING: May cause frequent thinking about things!)

Humanoid Mode: Due to the Death Unit's job specification, he is not really a people unit. However, his interactions with humans may cause flings of human like behaviour. Look out for instruments such as the banjo to entertain your Death Unit, or cookies or the chocolate chip variety.

OPERATING INSTRUCTIONS 

Your Death Unit will seem distant from you at first, since it has been programmed to be quite anti-social, and be quite a personification. All controls are voice activated, but please refrain from mentioning the Death Unit's knees, as this may cause the Death Unit's temper gauge to rise.

Don't be worried if you think your Death Unit has been injected with some sort of bone-Botox fallen from the back of a truck, the smile is permanently affixed to his face.

Here are some of the things your Death Unit is capable of:

_Skilled Reaper_  
Got a dead aunt you just can't get rid of? Not to worry, your Death Unit can send her into the netherworlds in less than five minutes, using the most unexpected methods.

_Philosophic whiz_  
Even a anthromorphic personification has their run-ins with some moral mumbo jumbo, but luckily the Death Unit is skilfully trained in discussing the laws of the Universe. (WARNING: Please keep away all Wizard Units when your Death Unit is explaining the uses of the human capacity! May cause rapid combustion!)

_An Eye of Interest_  
Is your _life_ feeling dull? Just stick around with your Death Unit, and he'll brighten up your days, with his shockingly, white smile, his CAPTIAL attitude and dark, mysterious attire. Bring him a long to the party and all the attention will be on the both of you. (Note: Never make it seem that the two of you are a couple, it will scare the hell out of your Death Unit and may corrupt its emotion drive.)

KITTENS

Kittens are a must have with your Death Unit! Sit and play for hours on end and you may even hear him purr!

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

**Q:** I don't like the Death Unit's daughter, the Ysabell Unit. Is there some way I can persuade him to make her move her fat ass off my couch?  
**A:** You can try, but it won't work. Death Unit's have had little experience with human's lives, so his judgement in people is pretty poor. Try preoccupying your Ysabell Unit with some doughnuts and _Sleepless in Seattle _while you and the Death Unit kick back.

**Q:** Can my Death Unit fall in love with a custom made unit, if I make the custom one all pretty and stuff?  
**A:** If your custom made unit is a 'Mary Sue' model, then I suggest you order a 'Mary Sue' upgrade for your Death Unit, otherwise your Death will simply avoid your custom unit. We suggest you create your custom unit wisely, and _not _upgrade your Death Unit at all, and let life unfold itself.

**Q:** I hate my Death Unit's taste in colour! Can I change it?  
**A:** Sadly, no. The Death Unit will continue to believe that its garden and house are completely normal, so don't even try to change it. Some Death models that were used were built back in its 'bad boy' days, so you never know, your Death Unit might even lash out on you.

**Q:** My Death Unit can't seem to see where its going, since it keeps walking into walls, doors etc. Has my Death Unit malfunctioned?  
**A:** Have you recently removed the supernova contacts from your Death Unit's eyes? If so, you may not have done it correctly, so simply call 1-800-I-SCREWED-UP-ITS-EYES and we'll fix it for you.

**Q:** I'm a sick freak and I want my Death Unit to get it on with my Teatime Unit! Is there an upgrade?  
**A:** The decision for this controversial upgrade was all but unanimous. At the end, it was agreed, so yes, there is an upgrade. It is quite costly, and is limited offer only, so all you sick freaks out there, get your hands on it now before it's too late!

TROUBLESHOOTING

**Problem:** My Death Unit has been singing Marilyn Manson songs and dancing in a highly sexually gothic fashion. What the hell is happening?  
**Solution:** We apologize for the inconvenience (unless you're enjoying it) but our manufacturers confuse the two of them quite often. It remains a mystery to us as to why that is. It could be the bleached complexion or the otherworldness, but when it comes to personality, the two are very different from the other. Simply give us a call and we'll gladly exchange it for a proper Death Unit. Until we sort out those problems, suggest a song for your entertainment. We recommend 'Doll-Dagga Buzz Buzz Ziggety-Zag'.

**Problem:** My Death Unit has a funny eye, is an psychopath, and of course, LOOKS NOTHING LIKE THE DEATH OF DISCWORLD! What's going on?  
**Solution:** You have accidentally purchased the 'Mr Teatime Unit™' from our company (this Unit is collaborated with Pratchett-Co). You should actually feel quite privileged, since that particular Unit is extremely popular and gets along quite well with the Susan Unit in most programmings. We will gladly exchange your Teatime Unit with a Death Unit, as long as its returned to the company within 30 days for an exchange or full refund. In the meantime, DO NOT MENTION THE ONLY WAY YOU'D SHAG HIM IS IN THE DARK.

**Problem:** My Death Unit's 'victims' are going crappily and it's been moping around lately and acting like an emo. What's wrong with it?  
**Solution:** Has a Susan Unit recently declined Death's offer of Hogswatch dinner? If so, just leave it, it's completely natural. Eventually, your Death Unit will solve things on its own.

**Problem:** My Death Unit keeps on staring and thinking a lot when the Susan Unit is mentioned. What do I do? **Solution:** Put your Death Unit into Humanoid Mode immediately, and enjoy the family reunion.

FINAL NOTES

In conclusion, due to your purchase of the Death Unit, your life will never be the same again. Really. Especially when it ends. It will brighten up your days, disturb you, entertain you, and drive you to the edge of annoyance. Please be tolerant to your Death Unit once it first arrives, because unless you live in the Eighth dimension, then the Death Unit is not experienced in day to day living. You and your Death Unit should get along like bee's in a jar, and wonder how life ever went on without it.

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Based on a clever **V For Vendetta** version by Evey1812. And a **Charlie and the Chocolate Factory **one I read by sparrowed. XD Kudos to them! 


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